In true Sir style he tried. He perked up when he saw me, but I could see the exhaustion in his eyes. His beautiful, see through to the soul, eyes. I wrestled with the idea of him no longer being there to greet me when I went to the farm. I tried to push down the selfishness of not letting him go. I just couldn't see him live like this anymore.
I spent Saturday with him in his stall. His stall has a window in it where he could look over the front of the farm. He could also oversee the volunteers and visitors that sat at the picnic table just below.
I fed him Alfalfa hay from his bucket and he ate like a champ. We hung out of his window together, he on my right, me on his left. Like two friends hanging out the window in my old Brooklyn neighborhood watching the activity on the street below.
I fed him carrots and he would nudge me for more. He would nibble on my arm with his lips and place his forehead to mine. He was so playful.
I told him how much I loved him, over and over. Thanked him for bringing me out of my sadness after my son Frankie passed away. For hanging on for so long and for fighting through illness after illness. And for teaching me how to love again without fear.
I told him that he could go over the Rainbow Bridge. That his first owner would be waiting for him as well as my Son, and countless others.
He placed his head on my shoulder like he did out in the field a year or so ago, as if to comfort me.
We put our foreheads together, I hugged him, kissed his face, looked into his eyes as I fought back the tears. I said "Goodbye my Friend". and felt peace come over the two of us.
I left his stall and then the doubts started....from way back in my mind.
"He was so alert! Should we wait?" Do we need another opinion?" and on and on. I am sure that most pet owners go through the same.
I sent a text to Laurel and told her my thoughts and that I wanted to wait. We decided that we would talk it over in the morning
Fast forward to night time; I laid in my bed meditating and trying to connect with Sir.
It took awhile and finally I connected with him. He stood before me and suddenly different parts of his body would highlight showing me the areas where he had had issues that he overcame.
The spot where he had cancer, the kidneys, the heart, hooves, and liver.
Yes Sir...it was time to go.
I sent a text to Laurel the next morning and told her that I was on board with his release from this plain.
I tried all day to gather the courage to be there when it was done. I just couldn't. I had such wonderful memories of us together and especially of the day before, Saturday.
My wife meditated and her vision was spot on. I shared it on facebook. If you would like to read it you can find it there, or I can post it here on the blog.
I went to the farm the following Saturday. Of course it didn't feel the same as before.
I visited his grave and said my piece. I could not feel him. He was free. As my wife Lynn saw in her vision, "He is a Pegasus now!"
Once I knew that he had transitioned I felt somewhat relieved, but terribly sad. A large part of my life was now empty. My friend Lori offered for me to work with one of her horses, Joseph. She is so thoughtful and has a heart of Gold! I am proud to call her my friend.
Some people took issue with the fact that I wasn't there when it took place. What I say to them is we all handle death in our own way. I experienced the death of my Son just shy of 5 years ago and I am still dealing with the loss of him. I made my peace with Sir on the day before he left, and frankly since he left as well. If you claim to be spiritual in your beliefs then you would understand my connection with Sir, then and now.
Thanks to Sir and Laurel....North Shore Horse Rescue & Sanctuary,etc. I was able to realize a life long dream. My dream to truly own a horse! To know what it was to feel his strength under me as I rode him, to feel the bond between us. To see his reaction when I would arrive at the farm, his recognition of me, his stink eye when I was leaving.
Thank you Sir for allowing me to be YOUR Human, and for being my friend!
So no, my journey is not over. There are other horses that could use my TLC and I am willing to share it with them.
I will carry you in my heart and in my soul for the rest of my days! And then when it is my turn to pass over I hope to ride a Pegasus....Sir!
Love to all and look for future blog posts.
I will Remain for the rest of my days!
Frank
Sir's Human 💓
